I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
bring money and cleavage
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
