I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
