i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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