omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
