Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
