people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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