You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
