I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
