2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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