Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
