So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
