You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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