in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
