i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
