THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
