You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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