I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
