I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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