I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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