Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
