I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize