I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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