So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
