I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
