did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
