he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
