Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
