The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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