i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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