my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
