Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry about my life...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
