when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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