It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
