Cold hands, warm shart.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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