hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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