Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
