Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
