We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Its about making memories worth repressing
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
