Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
