have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
