Where is the hickey?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
