and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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