I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
