Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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