Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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