I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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