I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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