I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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