saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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