Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
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