Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
