How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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