We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
