You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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