my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
