it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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