I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize