im having a threesome with these popsicles
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize