Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
