Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
