I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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