Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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