Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
