I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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