Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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