I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
