Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
