Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
