I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize