Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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