he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
