we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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