I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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