plz talk dirty to me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize