i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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