Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
